Like every other public building in Santa Fe, New Mexico, the Veterans Center Outpatient Clinic is faux adobe. Â
Tommy barely notices. He has visited the clinic for years. He served the United States as a convert mission operative during the cold war. His activity was so secret that the Veteran’s Hospital initially denied him care because he wasn’t listed in the regular military databases.
However, after several phone calls and a solid a paper trail, Tommy qualifies for a regular series of appointments with a therapist for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
The therapist helps Tommy deal with the flashbacks that trigger in his subconscious. Her care is so consistent and effective that when he feels a flashback coming on, he only has to mention her name to experience relief.
Tommy only remembers small parts of his life in the armed forces. The parts he remembers are vivid, frightening, and life altering.
He remembers going into service as one man and returning home as another.
He starts training as a member of a force of two thousand. He ends training as a member of an elite group of three hundred. Seventeen hundred other men couldn’t make the elite fighting force. However, Tommy did.
Tommy learns how to kill people and destroy things. He learns so well that he always scores among the top ten in this elite force.
He isn’t obsessed with destruction. Tommy only wants to come home alive and healthy so he learns to be the best soldier he can be.
In addition, he reasons that since he is serving during peacetime, he won’t be facing combat.
He is wrong.
When they complete training, Tommy’s group receives orders for cold war missions to blow up buildings, clear land mines, and kill more people than he can remember.
Most of those events are locked somewhere in the back of Tommy’s mind. The memories are too painful to deal with in his conscious mind so they appear as nightmares. They sneak up on him to torture and petrify Tommy.
He doesn’t know what he would do if it wasn’t for Amy.
Amy is a therapist who specializes in helping Veterans deal with PTSD. She is his savior.
Tommy thrives on his sessions with Amy. She is a professional who understands his condition. She doesn’t judge him. She doesn’t doubt him. She listens and provides advice to help him survive his attacks.
She understands PTSD evolves. She understands the attacks often become more intense as the patient works through the emotions of his suppressed experiences.
Amy measures the progress through discussing the attacks.
This visit starts with small talk. When Amy senses Tommy is ready, she asks the question that indicates it is time to get to work.
“Have you had any attacks?â€
“Only one, a severe one.â€
The words hang in the air. Tommy breathes deeply. He sighs.
Amy waits. Tommy knows the path to freedom comes in processing the memories. He is always a willing participant, until today.
Will Tommy be able to tell her his experience? How will Amy react to the story?
Find out when you read my next post.
